I AM a 27-year-old woman who is a side chick. I know that people see side chicks as these evil women who are trying to steal people’s husbands, but I have no such intentions.
I’m an independent career woman with a very busy life. And honestly, I was just not
finding a man who fits into my lifestyle until I met this man. He is a bit older, wiser, a great mentor and he just gets me. Most importantly, he doesn’t make unreasonable demands on me. I have lots of time to pursue my business and be with my friends. I can do all these without being policed and asked where I am all the time. This man has given me advice and guidance on setting up my business. I make my own money, so this is not even about money. It’s just good to know that I have somebody I can talk to when I have challenges and celebrate with when I have victories. And of course, we have amazing sex.
Am I so wrong?
Linda Yende responds:
I MUST admit that you make some strong and compelling arguments. And a lot of what
you are saying makes sense. However, let us consider the other side of the coin. I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t put all of this out there for you. Firstly, consider the impact of your existence on the family unit. Whatever time he might be spending
with you, is the time he should be giving to his wife and his children. With all the work pressure that we all face, time is such a valuable commodity. So much so that every
minute that he is spending with you, is the time that he could be sharing with his family or going to his children’s school concerts. So, in effect, you are actually stealing from
YOUR RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE HURTING HIS FAMILY
You might not see anything wrong with this, but this is not a victimless crime. Somebody is getting hurt. You are robbing that man and his family of their time together. I know what you might be thinking at this point that you don’t owe them any loyalty, right? He does. This is like buying stolen goods and saying, “As long as I don’t know the people it
was stolen from, it’s not my problem.” Ask yourself if you are ok with being that girl. I don’t know if that is a comfortable thought for you, or anybody with a conscience.
YOU DESERVE BETTER
Let’s talk about the impact that this relationship might have on you, if not now, then later. I know that you have convinced yourself that you want nothing more from him than what
you are getting right now. But the more time you spend with this man, the more you will start feeling that you don’t want to be without him. You will eventually get to a point
where you are bothered by only speaking to him during office hours, and want to pick up the phone at 9pm because you had a bad day. There will come a time when you are tired of him grabbing his clothes and running after a passionate time together because he has to rush back home. That is not a great place to be. You might not be bothered by any of
those things right now but at some point, they will creep up.
THERE’S NO WINNING
We are emotional beings. There may come a time when you want more from him than he is able to give you. You will demand that he leaves his wife because you are tired of being
his secret. And from that point on, you are on a slippery slope. There is no winning in that scenario. What is the worst case scenario? He refuses and you are heartbroken. And what is the best case scenario? He leaves her and you become the official new woman in his life? Will you ever rest easy, knowing that the side chick position is now vacant? Will you ever trust him, knowing what he was doing with you? If he cheated with you, he is quite capable of cheating on you! That is a fact.
NOT WORTH THE RISK INVOLVED
Being in your position can scar you. It can lead you to carry some serious trust issues into future relationships. So even if you leave him and date other people, you cannot unlearn all the things you know now. You know that he needs to deceive his wife in order to be with you right now. Now imagine what it will be like the day the shoe is on the other foot.
The day that you are a wife and your man tells you that he’s going to “a conference”. Will you not feel worried, knowing that your (current) man was using the same excuse to get away from his family and be with you? It may all seem like roses right now, but how long will it last? In the meantime, you are shutting the door on all guys who might be interested
in you. The man who is truly meant for you might be knocking on your door but you won’t hear him because you are preoccupied with somebody else’s man. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen in the future, but the least I can do is warn you of the possible consequences